We admitted that we are powerless over alcohol
and/or drugs, that our lives had become unmanageable.
No one wants to admit total defeat, including me,
but it is an essential factor in personal recovery. The decision
was difficult for me to make. Pride, lying to myself, and ignorance
all kept me from accepting Step 1. I learned that the decision I
made is the basis of my recovery. I learned that alcohol and drugs
were the root of my problems. They weren't the answer lie I thought.
My life had become unmanageable as a result of alcohol and drug abuse.
I have no control over it, I am powerless.
How could anyone recover still thinking that they have the power to control their drinking and drugging? When using I would lie to myself, telling myself, "I'll quit tomorrow," or "I can be more moderate". I was too ignorant to admit I had no control whatsoever. "What happened?" someone asks. Knowledge did. I thought to myself about how this stuff kicked my ass so many times, got me into so much trouble, and degraded my personality and beliefs into nothing. I learned from analyzing these actions and the wise words of other alcoholics/addicts. This kept me from holding on. I gave up. I surrendered.
"Come to believe that a person greater than ourselves could restore
us to sanity."
This step was simple for me. I don't have the
power to restore sanity nor does anyone else seem to be able to.
So obviously it would have to be a power greater than ourselves.
I'd figure it would be hard considering I have always been a non-believer.
But after reading "for the agnostic" several times in Alcoholics Anonymous,
I concluded that a belief in a higher power doesn't have to follow any
particular religion. That was the hard part for me. I could
put faith into anything I want to. The fellowship, nature, and even
a prestigious group of people are all options. It says in the third
step, "as we understood him". To me, the importance of this step
is to reinforce the fact that I am powerless. So therefore, I must
draw power from something more powerful than myself, the God of my understanding.
Not to do so would be detrimental to my recovery.
Statements provided by Tommy Jones while at rehabilitation at Hope Valley, Dobson, NC. (August 97)