A couple of things on my mind.
 

• I love you no matter what you do (or don't do).  It's unfortunate that we have not expressed our love for each other.
• I talked with a member of the Lodge who's stepson spent 28 days at the Hope Valley Rehab.  His stepson, who is also 19 has made a complete turnaround.  He was arrested twice for DWI and had an alcohol addiction.  If you would like to talk with him, let me know.  Since you have difficulty with my advice, perhaps a peer of yours might be more interesting.
• I know you are smart, but this fixation that you have about being a loser and incompetent puzzles me.  You were neither one of these when you became an honor roll student, played in the band, learned to play a killer guitar, worked part-time for me.  Can't you see that the drugs are what #$?& with your mind?  You feel like a loser so you use drugs when in actuality it's the drugs that make you feel like a loser.  It is imperative that you understand the difference!  You are not a loser!  You are tall, handsome, intelligent, witty, musically inclined if you will just realize it. Who are you comparing yourself to?